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Wednesday, May 5th, 2004

Subject:I Have A Special Plan For This World
Time:9:41 pm.
Mood: contemplative.
if any of you kids have the balls to read this.. i commend you!
o yeah and if you comment on it .. your my new best friend. seriously!!!

when everyone you have ever loved is finally gone
when everything you have ever wanted is finally done with
when all of your nightmares are for a time obscured
as by a shining brainless beacon
or a blinding eclipse of the many terrible shapes of this world
when you are calm and joyful
and finally entirely alone
then in a great new darkness
you will finally execute your special plan

one needs to have a plan someone said who was turned away into the shadows
and who i had believed was sleeping or dead
imagine he said all the flesh that is eaten
the teeth tearing into it
the tongue tasting its savor
and the hunger for that taste
now take away that flesh he said
take away the teeth and the tongue
the taste and the hunger
take away everything as it is
that was my plan
my own special plan for this world
i listened to these words and yet i did not wonder
if this creature whom i had thought sleeping or dead would ever approach his vision
even in his deepest dreams
or his most lasting death
because i had heard of such plans such visions
and i knew they did not see far enough
but what was demanded in a way of a plan
needed to go beyond tongue and teeth and hunger and flesh
beyond the bones and the very dust of bones and the wind that would come to blow the dust away
and so i began to envision a darkness that was long before the dark of night
and a strangely shining light
that owed nothing to the light of day

that day may seem like other days
once more we feel the tiny legged trepidations
once more we are mangled by a great grinding fear
but that day will have no others after
no more worlds like this will follow
because i have a plan
a very special plan
no more worlds like this
no more days like that

there are but four ways to die a sardonic spirit might have said to me
there is dying that occurs relatively suddenly
there is dying that occurs relatively gradually
there is dying that occurs relatively painlessly
there is the death that is full of pain
thus by various means they are combined
the sudden and the gradual
the painless and the painful
to yield but four ways to die
and there are no others
even after the voice stopped speaking
I listened for it to speak again
after hours and day and years have passed
I listened for some further words
yet all I heard were the faintest echoes reminding me
there are no others
there are no others
was it then that I began to conceive for this world
a special plan?

there are no means for escaping this world
it penetrates even into your sleep
and is his substance
you are caught in your own dreaming
where there is no space
and a hell forever where there is no time
you cant do nothing you aren't told to do
there is no hope for escape from this dream
that was never yours
the very words you speak are only its very words
and you talk like a traitor
under its incessant torture

there are many who have designs upon this world
and dream of wild and vast reformations
i have heard them talking in their sleep
of elegant mutations
and cunning annihilations
i have heard them whispering in the corners of crooked houses
and in the alleys and narrow back streets of this crooked creaking universe
which they with their new designs were made straight and sound
but each of these new and ill conceived designs
is deranged in its heart
for they see this world as if it were alone and original
and not as only one of count with others
whose nightmares all precede
like a hideous garden grown from a single seed
i have heard these dreamers talking in their sleep
and i stand waiting for them
as at the top of a darkened flight of stairs
they know nothing of me
and none of the secrets of my special plan
while i know every crooked creaking step of theirs

it was the voice of someone who was waiting in the shadows
who was looking at the moon and waiting for me to turn the corner
and enter a narrow street
and stand with him in the dull glaze of moonlight
then he said to me
he whispered
that my plan was misconceived
that my special plan for this world was a terrible mistake
because, he said, there is nothing to do and there is no where to go
there is nothing to be and there is no one to know
your plan is a mistake, he repeated
this world is a mistake, i replied

the children always followed him
when they saw him hopping by
a funny walk
a funny man
a funny funny funny man
he made them laugh sometimes
he made them laugh oh yes he did
he did he did he did he did
oh how he made them roll
one day he took them to a place
he knew a special place
and told them things about this world
this funny funny funny world
which made them laugh sometimes
he made them laugh oh yes he did
he did he did he did he did
oh how he made them roll
then the funny man who made them laugh
sometimes he did
revealed to them his special plan
his very special funny plan
knowing they would understand
and maybe laugh sometimes
he made them laugh
oh yes he did
he did he did he did he did
their eyes grew wide beneath there lids
and how he made them roll

i first learned the facts from a lunatic
in a dark and quiet room that smelled of stale time and space
there are no people
nothing at all like that
the human phenomenon is but the sum of densely coiled layers of illusion
each of which winds itself upon the supreme insanity
but there are persons of any kind
when all that can be is mindless mirrors
laughing and screaming as they parade about
in an endless dream
but when i asked the lunatic what it was
it swore itself within these mirrors
as they marched endlessly in stale time and space
he only looked and smiled
then he laughed and screamed
and in his black and empty eyes
i saw for a moment as in a mirror
a form the shade of divinity
in flight from its stale infinity
of time and space and the worst of all
of this world dreams
my special plan for the laughter
and the screams

we went to see some little show
that was staged in an old shed
past the edge of town
and in its beginnings all seemed well
the miniature curtain stage glowed in the darkness
while those dolls bounced along on their strings before our eyes
and in its beginnings all seemed well
but then there came a suttle turning point which some have noticed
and i was one
who quietly left the show
no i did not
because i could see where things were going
as the antics of those dolls grew strange
and the fragile strings grew taut
with their tiny pullings ,tiny limbs
the others around me became appalled
and turned away and abandoned the show
that was staged in an old shed
past the edge of town
but i wanted to witness what could never be
i wanted to see what could not be seen
but the moment of consummate disaster
my puppets turned to face the puppet master

it was twilight and i stood in a grayish haze of the vast empty building
when the silence was enriched by a reverberant voice
all the things of this world it said
are of but one essence
for which there are no words
this is the greater part which has no beginning or end
and the one essence of this world for which there can be no words
is that all the things of this world
this is the lesser part which had a beginning and shall have an end
and for which words were conceived solely to speak of
the tiny broken beings of this world it said
the beginnings and endings of this world it said
for which words were conceived solely to speak of
now remove these words and what remains it asks me
as i stood in the twilight of that vast empty building
but i did not answer
the question echoed over and over
but i remained silent until the echoes died
and as twilight passed into the evening i felt my
special plan for which there are no words
moving towards a greater darkness

there are some who have no voices
or none that will ever speak
because of the things they know about this world
and the things they feel about this world
because the thoughts that fill a brain
that is a damaged brain
because the pain that fills a body
that is a damaged body
exists in other worlds
countless other worlds
each of which stands alone in an infinite empty blackness
for which no words are being conceived
and where no voices are able to speak
when a brain is filled only with damaged thoughts
when a damaged body is filled only with pain
and stands alone in a world surrounded by infinite empty blackness
and exists in a world for which there is no special plan

when everyone you have ever loved is finally gone
when everything you have ever wanted is finally done with
when all of your nightmares are for a time obscured
as by a shining brainless beacon
or a blinding eclipse of the many terrible shapes of this world
when you are calm and joyful
and finally entirely alone
then in a great new darkness
you will finally execute your special plan



if u did it i love u!
8 fires lit light my fire

Tuesday, April 20th, 2004

Subject:yeah i get all this shit from nushin. but its fun what the hell...
Time:5:20 pm.
Mood: numb.
1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. How have I affected you?
5. What do you think of me?
6. What's the fondest memory you have of me?
7. How long do you think we will be friends?
8. Do you love me?
9. Do you have a crush on me?
10. Would you kiss me?
11. Would you hug me?
12. Physically, what stands out?
13. Emotionally, what stands out?
14. Do you wish I was cooler?
15. On a scale of 1-10, how hot am I? and another one
16. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
17. Am I loveable?
18. How long have you known me?
19. Describe me in one word.
20. What was your first impression?
21. Do you still think that way about me now?
22. What do you think my weakness is?
23. Do you think I'll get married?
24. What makes me happy?
25. What makes me sad?
26. What reminds you of me?
27. If you could give me anything what would it be?
29. How well do you know me?
29. When's the last time you saw me?
30. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
31. Do you think I could kill someone?
32. Are you going to put this on your LiveJournal and see what I say about you?

my foots asleep
3 fires lit light my fire

Friday, April 16th, 2004

Subject:hahahahha cry
Time:2:21 pm.

What Is Your Battle Cry?

Hark! Who is that, prowling out of the fields! It is Midnight Runner, hands clutching two hardened pitas! She roars thunderously:

"I'm seriously going to bruise you until you are hot and bothered!!!"

Find out!
Enter username:
Are you a girl, or a guy ?

created by beatings : powered by monkeys

light my fire

Subject:hii
Time:2:01 pm.
Mood: crazy.
bored. yep... bored. i got to hang out with ben yesterday. good times ^.^ watched bruse allmighty, and made fun of god. well.. we watched most of bruse allmighty... then listened to tool, and i tortured him with 80's pop. hahaha im so evil. but still it was good times.. yeah. stop looking at me!!!!!! sorry.... anyhow./... umm...i dont know what i want to do today. so someone call me if you also dont know what you want to do today. ummmm bye
light my fire

Subject:hahhaah okie..
Time:12:18 am.
i want everyone who reads this to ask me 3 questions, no more no less.
ask me anything you want.
then I want you to go to your journal, copy and paste this allowing your friends (including myself) to ask you anything
3 fires lit light my fire

Subject:holy wow.. it actually sounds like me... amazing.....
Time:12:13 am.
Mood: shocked.
Your True Nature by llScorpiusll
Username
The quality that most appeals to you:Sense of Humour
In a survival situation, you:Act crazy as a diversion
Your hidden talent is:A beautiful mind
Your gift is:Cunning
In groups, you:Feel uncomfortable
Your best quality is:Your creativity
Your weakness is:Your lack of focus
Created with quill18's MemeGen 3.0!
light my fire

Sunday, April 11th, 2004

Subject:go ahead and dye your hair.. you wont get more attention from me, cuz i will never fucking care!
Time:12:09 pm.
Mood: guilty.
hey would you look at that. its easter. woohoooo. so what is the signifigance (wow i cant spell) of this day anyway? easter.. humm.... the day that jesus died? is that it? i wonder? owell. i think its ratehr odd to celebrate a holiday for something you dont believe in. i dont really understand why i do it. i mean i guess i havnt much a choice. my parents celebrate and they dont know im agnostic. theyd be bitches about it. like all christians are. they always try to force me into believing someething. ahh 9i bettter shut up wouldnt want to insult anyone. i dont think i know any christians...... 0.o if you are.. my apolagies. but its not like you dont get mad at ppl who dont believe in god. shutting up/. drugs are good for you
2 fires lit light my fire

Saturday, March 20th, 2004

Time:2:53 pm.
Mood: lazy.
yeah last night was funny. my little brother had a party with a bunch of his little friends.. mind you these kids are all 14 or 15, and damn they are perverted little fucks. one of them was actually pretty cute. also mind you, the only one that wasnt a perverted little fuck. he was 16 though so taht explains it. i know melissa would want him ^.^ he loves nirvana. but yeah, i woke up to find a child in my bed with me. that was odd i must say. but whatever. ew. i dont know what im going to do today so if any of u read this and also dont know what there going to do today gimme a call. im bored. okie bye
2 fires lit light my fire

Tuesday, March 9th, 2004

Time:7:31 pm.
bored. and have nothing interesting to say. wow this guy is madd hot. too bad u all have no idea who im talkin about hehehehe so is this one and that one too.. woohoo. i just watched interview with a vampire.
1 fire lit light my fire

Saturday, February 21st, 2004

Subject:hehe my "friends"
Time:5:15 pm.




lol its so much fun.. really it is...
light my fire

Tuesday, February 3rd, 2004

Time:5:36 pm.
im not sure exactly what im feeling
and im not to sure if you're meaning what you say to me
but i'm sure that all of my mistakes are catching up to me
and i know im going crazy
i'm depressed,confused,and angry
i'm sleeping alone
but dreaming of being together
and i know when i wake up
reality will hit me harder then ever before
i wake up thinking you're here
i called out your name but nothing but silence was floating around in my ears
and my sleep is getting the worst of me
im wondering where did you go
but then i remember that you were nver here
(interlude)
my dreams are toying with my head
andi know i should believe everyting you've said
but my paranoia is getting to me
because of that im barely sleeping
but when i do,the dreamms i have, they involve you

thats the beautiful lyrics of lorenzo.. god hes awesome. so talented i love that guy. all his songs are great. i just put this one up cuz i cant find the other ones. so when i do.. maybe ill let u read those too.
1 fire lit light my fire

Thursday, January 29th, 2004

Time:5:28 pm.
Mood: blah.
i dont really know why im doing this but im tryng to see if it works, so yeah this is discusing me. blah goodbye
1 fire lit light my fire

Monday, January 26th, 2004

Time:8:49 pm.
o yes holy wow
ok yeah i just like started a friendship with someone taht i used to be friends with that i stopped being friends with and now were friends again. fuck me. anyhow... life is well life is life. so once again fuck me. i was like seriously crazy for like 2 days now, thinking i actually wanted to go to that damn winter formal. wow what the hell went thru my head? i was like inches away from asking my friend, but then i stopped. wow that was close. luckily he signed off and saved me from doing somethin stupid. im tired and its so early. o well maybe ill go to sleep and think alot. this has been a odd day. now someone i dont know IMs me and talks about my brother this is wierd
light my fire

Friday, January 23rd, 2004

Time:6:15 pm.
Mood: chipper.
so today i went to the mall, yeah shopping for melissa's formal dress. we got the most awesome dress u could imagine. it was so fun. i want to go to that formal just so i can buy a dress. but screw actually going,.. i mean, yeah wow that would be stupid. and theres no one i actually want to go with. o well. im just gunna go listen to some music cuz im bored. manson. hehe "sweet dreams are made of these.." god that song is awesome
im out
light my fire

Thursday, January 22nd, 2004

Time:12:14 pm.
Mood: happy.
which afi lyric are you
"My skin is singed, but it heals my heart,
with glowing pride I'll wear my scars, I'm
honored by your hatred" your from Malleus
Malifcarium. You stand for self-multilating and
proud Davey! You know other people may judge
you, and that doesn't bother you at all.


What AFI lyric are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


oh ho thats so much better. (just changed one answer, what would you do if u could do anything for a day, first time i said be in a dark room, but then i was like fuck that, i do it every day, i would want to be with my bf!)
light my fire

Subject:my results
Time:12:10 pm.
Mood: depressed.
what afi lyrics are you
"Will you cry for me, will you cry for me, or
will you cry for me? I've been a lonely one, I
had this whole world drained from me" your
from Now the World. You stand for depressed
Davey. You're sad...you feel like no one
understands you. sucks to be you.


What AFI lyric are you?
brought to you by Quizilla



yeah... so im depressed. thats so not fair.
light my fire

Tuesday, December 30th, 2003

Time:8:55 pm.
Mood: apathetic.
misanthropy- a hatred of mankind. you all should know this word. thats why im putting it in here, so yeah. enjoy it.
light my fire

Thursday, December 25th, 2003

Time:6:57 pm.
"open wounds in the palm of my hands, festering through infectous time, i disapate as my life spills over you!" i cut myself last night really bad in the hand. it made me think of that song. (not on purpose, if your wondering) its really gross. anyways its christmas. wow. i got some cool stuff. sometimes i wonder why it is that i celebrate christmas. i mean i dont have a religion or anything. so why would i do that. well i gotta go cuz i have something more important to do finish later
1 fire lit light my fire

Sunday, December 21st, 2003

Time:7:29 pm.
Mood: bored.
back, and bored. talking to someone awesome. cool. just checking this thing out. again. ok bye
1 fire lit light my fire

Time:4:50 pm.
ok my first entry. i dont really know why i have this thing. who the hell cares what i have to say and stuff like that. but whatever. its gotta be good for something. ill figure that out later. so yah. AFI is god. i need to say that. and nothing really matters to me. (except other music, like VNV nation, skinny puppy, clan of Xymox, bad religion, depeche mode, queensryche, incubus, minor threat, manson, and many more. i talk about bands alot, and lyrics especially. so get used to it. ok gunna see if this thing works. im so stupid, i gotta figure it out
light my fire

LiveJournal for Zee Deveel.

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